Out of Sorts

One of the reasons I started this second blog was that I feel a little out of sorts with myself and I’m hoping that if I make regular entries here it will help me take stock of my life and improve my mental state and attitudes.

Among many other things, I worry that I’m overly negative at the moment.  The recent change in government and the way it’s come about is certainly something that concerns me, particularly in light of problems with the world economy that we’ve seen in the past couple of years.  I worry for our future and that of our kids and grandkids.  But while this is understandable and perfectly natural for anyone who cares about the people they love and for people in general, there is more in the mix of why I’m feeling the way I do.

In part there is still the memory of my mother passing away last year, which affected me more deeply than I ever expected it would.  Not only do I miss her greatly, her passing feels like a reminder of my own mortality.  It’s not like I’m becoming obsessed by this, but I’m certainly thinking about it more than I did.

My health, too, is a reminder that I’m no longer the spring chicken I once was.  Although I’m in much better health than many people, even within my own family, sometimes I can be stopped in my tracks.  For instance, I regularly have times where I suddenly feel very weak and shaky, but I’ve been to the doctor, had tests and they can find nothing that explains it.  This, of course, makes it worse – how do I deal with a problem when I can’t even get a handle on what that problem is?

So you see where I’m coming from, I hope.  I musst admit that I was tempted to delete the above and start again, but it really does nail down why I’m setting out with this blog at all. 

What I don’t want from readers is for the responses to be overly sympathetic, please.  Be understanding and constructive in your comments and thoughts and share your own similar tales, but I’m hoping to climb up and not spiral down.

Thanks for your time.

10 thoughts on “Out of Sorts

  1. I know how you feel Steve. I’m not going to give you any sympathetic response. My mother only two weeks had a serious heart attack and wondered if she would live to see another day. Luckily she managed to survive the incident. But as you said this hade me think of my own mortality, I’m glad I don’t feel alone.

  2. It’s good that your mother survived. Heart attacks are pretty scary because they happen so suddenly. My father had one about ten or so years ago, but he’s now in his mid 70s and still doing pretty well. I hope your mother is able to pick up so well.

  3. Sorry to hear you’re not feeling your best lately Steve.

    I’m very prone to mood swings, and I usually try to sit out the bad periods and wait for the sun to start shining again. Unfortunately I’ve noticed that the severity intensifies as I’m getting older (approaching forty now).
    You might have noticed the last time I didn’t feel so well, that was the time I completely disappeared from Twitter for a while.

    They say it comes with the package as a creative type. I guess it does, but it’s still sucks.

    I haven’t found a good way to channel it yet, but someone told me that I shouldn’t beat myself up about feeling negative too much, it’s perfectly normal to have periods when you’re not feeling too well. That realization helped me a bit, at least enough to start bending the spiral in the other direction.

    It is great that you started a personal blog (I think your business blog is already very personal – I like that, the internet in general is already much too fake and impersonal for my taste). I might just follow you lead.

    Take care of yourself.

  4. Thanks, Jakko.

    Creativity is a very strange thing. I remember at one time that every time I finished something – a drawing or a story – I’d feel a bit down afterwards. It was like I was sorry that it was over. Perhaps it was a kind of forshadowing of what I’m going through at the moment.

    Sorry to hear that you have similar issues. If you ever find the secret to dealing with them, please let me know. Hopefully, it’s not a solution that involves lots of medication.

    It never entered my head that you would be anywhere near forty. In a sense, people are just people and their age is less of a concern, which is partly why I’m bewildered by being in my fifties, I guess. 🙂

    I like to keep a personal tone to the posts on the other blog, but I thought that people who followed it for the writing and game related posts probably wouldn’t want to read posts about self analysis.

    Please let me know if you do your own blog.

  5. Yeah “issues”, who needs ’em. Luckily I’m quite alright most of the time and I’m not so keen on medication in general, I don’t even want to take paracetamol when I have a headache (even though it magic in the shape of a pill).

    Turns out I already have a blog, it’s two years old, who knew. I just revived it.


  6. “Creativity is a very strange thing. I remember at one time that every time I finished something – a drawing or a story – I’d feel a bit down afterwards. It was like I was sorry that it was over. Perhaps it was a kind of forshadowing of what I’m going through at the moment.”

    I get this all the time – and the only way I seem to be able to get over it is to jump into something new straight away.

    Look forward to seeing things pick up for you.

  7. Thanks Ben. Jumping into something new is certainly a great way to combat the feeling, but sometimes I find getting that initial impetus is harder than it used to be.

  8. Losing motivation/inspiration is always something I dread.

    I guess that’s a bridge to cross when the time comes.

  9. I’m beginning to wonder if it has anything to do with my self-appraisal. As I become more experienced and get better at what I do, I can see that there’s so much I don’t know and can never know. Years ago I had no grasp of the scale of my ignorance and it’s very overwhelming.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s